


Vantage Points

by FallLover



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: 60's name is Cecil, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background HankCon - Freeform, Blow Jobs, Bullying, Connor & CyberLife Tower Connor | RK800-60 & Upgraded Connor | RK900 are Siblings, Dry Humping, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Half-Siblings, Elijah Kamski Being an Asshole, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, RK900 is human sort of, RK900's name is nathan, Referenced rimming, Songfic, Trauma, Witcher AU sort of, background Elijah/Chloe, background Jeff/60, neither Gavin nor RK900 rape anyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23625820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallLover/pseuds/FallLover
Summary: Nathan's a magical merc on his way to his next job. Gavin's a noble whose men betrayed him. When Nathan rescues him, Gavin promises his father will pay for Nathan's service.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900 & Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 18
Kudos: 118





	1. Lamb

Nathan wasn’t paying too much attention as he walked his horse down the road. It was late in the evening and he was thinking about setting up camp and how the next time he hit a town, he’d save up for a decent meal and a bed warmer. It had been a while and the last job was profitable enough.

He stopped his horse when he was saw movement from the treeline to his right. A lone figure came stumbling out, heading towards Nathan. The newcomer fell over, then pushed themselves back up, froze briefly when they spotted Nathan, then ran directly for him. Nathan reached behind him for his bow, but the stranger stopped several paces away and held out a gold coin that glinted in the moonlight.

“P-p-please!” the man called, a bit hoarsely. “I c-can pay! Please help me!”

Nathan blinked. Upon closer inspection, Nathan could see the man’s clothes were torn apart, revealing skin covered in mud and scrapes. There were marks on his face from being hit, and a blossoming black eye. He was shaking, too, and glanced nervously behind him before looking back at Nathan.

“Fleeing something?” Nathan asked, glancing at the treeline as well.

The stranger swallowed. “Yes, I—my men turned on me and… they…”

“So you’re a lord or a soldier?” Nathan asked, still considering. The gold could be fake. Or the last of the man’s stores. Nathan didn’t feel _that_ up for a chase, particularly when he didn’t know who or what was coming for them.

Or this could all be a trap. Get the lure on Nathan’s horse to slit his throat and steal his stuff. Odd trap for a lone rider out here, but well… the desperate.

The man looked behind himself again as a shout came from the trees. The man moved closer to Nathan. His shaking was worse. He was a good actor if he was just acting. He looked back at Nathan. “Please! I beg you! My father is wealthy! He’ll pay for my safe return!”

Nathan raised an eyebrow. “How much?”

“Whatever you wish!”

Nathan looked back at the treeline where a trio of humans emerged. The first man ran around Nathan’s horse to hide behind her, not touching Nathan or the mare, but still cowering from the approaching group.

Nathan frowned at the group. Loud, bumbling idiots from the sound of things. Carrying weapons, too. Nathan drew his bow and put an arrow to the string by the time they were within speaking range. They stopped slightly farther away than the first man had.

“Evening,” one of them – perhaps the leader – called. “That lout cowering by your horse is an escaped prisoner. Robbed us and ran for it.”

Nathan didn’t take his eyes off the trio, but he did note that the first man – Rags, Nathan decided – inched away from Nathan’s horse. Perhaps thinking to run again? Or throw something at Nathan?

“What was his crime?” Nathan asked.

“Theft,” the leader replied. “And… lying.”

“Lying may be a bad thing by some standards,” Nathan commented, “But it’s hardly a crime.”

“It is for the lies he’s told,” Leader replied.

“They’re lying!” Rags said. “Please believe me. I’m telling the truth!”

“Shut up you piece of shit!” Leader said. One of the other humans inched their way around Nathan’s horse – this would be Stupid – and Nathan quickly aimed and shot at Stupid. Stupid didn’t even have time to scream before they fell to the ground, dead, and Nathan aimed and shot at the other member of the group who hadn’t spoken yet, too. When they dropped, Nathan turned to Leader.

Leader drew his sword and cried, “What the fuck?? Are you a moron?”

Leader opened his mouth to continue, but Nathan put an arrow into it. He disliked people skulking around his horse. Leader made some pained noises before Nathan shot him in the heart, and he fell. Nathan lowered his bow.

Rags, who was still hiding behind Nathan’s horse, swallowed and looked away when Nathan turned to look at him.

“I… I promise I’m worth more alive than dead!” Rags put his arms over his face. “Or uh… if I’m dead, carrying my corpse around for ransom will be a pain!”

Nathan snorted and put his bow and arrows away. “Help me clean out their camp. Was that really all of them?”

Rags lowered his arms. “Yes.”

“Good.” Nathan frowned down at the man. “What’s your name?”

“…Gavin. And yours?”

“Nathan.”

Nathan went through the pockets of the dead and found some decent coin and spare daggers. One had a sword that Nathan offered to Gavin, who took it gladly.

Gavin swallowed as he held the blade and said, “They stole this from me.” Then Gavin led Nathan back to the campsite. Once there, Gavin practically raced to one of the tied-up mares, patting her neck and looking her over.

Nathan looked through the packs on the ground. There was some food, some equipment in decent state, and some more money. Gavin helped put the extra packs on the spare horses when Nathan commented, “We’re not staying here. Chances are scavengers will come for the bodies.” He’d cleared out a job too close for his liking. The monsters were dead, but you never knew with woods like these. There was always something that hungered for human flesh, particularly the dead. Nathan would have burned the dead humans, but it would take too long and it was already nighttime.

“Okay,” Gavin replied. He changed into a spare set of clothes behind a tree while Nathan was looking through the packs. When Gavin returned, he wouldn’t look at Nathan, although he at least looked a bit better in clothing that fit and actually covered himself.

They’d been on the road for about an hour when Gavin said, “Thank you.”

Nathan looked at him. “You’re paying me. Nothing to thank me for.”

“I… I know. But… thank you, all the same.”

Nathan hummed quietly while Gavin pulled out some jerky from a pouch and munched away.

“Bit late for a meal,” Nathan commented. Not that he could really judge, exactly. Sometimes he ate at the strangest hours. If a job ended and he was hungry, he ate.

“Yeah, I… I haven’t eaten in three days.”

“Ah. Well… don’t go too fast, then.”

Gavin didn’t respond.

“So why did they turn on you?” Nathan eventually asked.

Gavin scoffed. “They reasoned that, due to the invasion, my family wouldn’t come after them, or make good on their promised wages, and they might as well take from me what they weren’t going to get paid.”

“…And you believe there actually _is_ money waiting for your safe return?”

Gavin blinked. “I… yes! My father has stockpiles. There’s gold to pay you, I promise!”

“Mm-hmm,” Nathan replied. “So if there’s an invasion, why were you here?”

“I was traveling when the army struck a nearby city. I fled before we would be unable to. My family’s spending the summer at an estate that’s out of the way of where the army’s heading right now.”

“And you think they’re still there?”

“If they’re not, my father will have left notice of where they’d gone. We’ll find them and you’ll be paid.”

“Mmm.”

“I assure you, my father would not have fled without taking the money, and he hides stashes of it all over the place. It’s the only thing he cares about.”

“So how do you know he’ll pay for your safe return?” Nathan replied. “If he cares so little about things that aren’t money?” It was harsh, perhaps, but Gavin had put forth the idea. And after all, Gavin's bodyguards hadn't believed the idea, apparently, and they were far more familiar with Gavin's family."

“…He will,” Gavin said, quietly. “He’s not… without all honor.”

Nathan could hear the uncertainty. Gavin was a bad liar. Nathan wondered if he should just end things here. Part ways with his loot and leave Gavin to his own devices.

Perhaps Gavin’s father would pay. Or perhaps Nathan would be out of money and have wasted his time on this by the time they got to Gavin’s destination.

And perhaps Nathan questioned why the three soldiers hadn’t just killed Gavin, but “kept” him instead. Nathan’s lips bent slightly in a frown. He didn’t like getting involved with people, much, outside of when they were paying him or he was in want of physical companionship. Too many complications. Too many monsters he couldn’t simply shoot or cut down for reward money, or at least without being sent to jail. At least these had been dealt with, but still.

“I hope I’m not… taking you too far out of your way,” Gavin said.

“You’re not,” Nathan replied. And that was all he had to offer on the subject.

Thankfully they were decently close to the next town. Nathan sold the spare horses and goods and Gavin got them lodging. He was actually quite good at bartering for prices.

“How’d you manage that?” Nathan asked as they settled their horses at the stable.

“My mother’s a merchant,” Gavin replied. “She taught me.” Gavin smiled. “Said I’d need some useful skills in life.” His expression darkened and he nodded to Nathan before leaving for his room and shutting the door.

Nathan truly enjoyed the first hot bath he’d had in ages. And the two bed warmers he’d scrounged up while obtaining his meal. He hadn’t seen Gavin since the man went into his room. Nathan assumed he was sleeping. Even if he did run, Nathan had money from his looting, so it didn’t matter.

He had a nice evening, and fell asleep wrapped snugly between some very comfortable arms and legs.

* * *

In the morning, Nathan prepared for the day and knocked on Gavin’s door. A moment passed, and there was the sound of something heavy moving across the floor. Then Gavin opened the door slightly. He seemed startled to see Nathan there, but grateful, too. In the morning light, his skin was a light tan, and he had a large scar crossing over his nose almost to his left ear. It was old and faded, but prominent. His short brown hair framed what might have been a good-looking face, if not for the bruising. He was slightly shorter than Nathan, too, but decently tall. And Nathan had noted he carried that sword well, too, which was hopeful in case they were attacked. Although holding a sword was different than wielding one.

“Oh. Hi.” Gavin's voice was quiet, the surprise at seeing Nathan standing there apparently still too much for him. Nathan noticed he was already dressed, too.

“Good morning,” Nathan said. “Ready to be off?”

“Uh… yes. A moment.” Gavin grabbed his bags and followed Nathan out.

As they walked through the main floor, Nathan nodded to the tall man sitting by the bar, nursing a mug. The man smiled winningly at him in return.

“A friend?” Gavin asked as they sat for breakfast.

“For the night, yes,” Nines replied.

“Oh." Gavin considered for a moment, then asked, "Good night, then?”

“It was rather good. You?”

“I… was happier alone.”

“Ah.” Nathan was grateful it wasn’t his social skills that got him his evening company, because they’d have looked straight through him. “Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Nathan didn’t have an adequate response to that, so he focused on the food a server brought over for them.

After breakfast they saddled the horses and left town, following the directions Gavin gave.

Silence, but for the sound of horse hooves on dirt, reigned.

"Wonderful weather," Gavin said at one point.

"...I suppose."

"I was surprised, you know. When they caught me. You expect the weather to be awful when you're in an awful situation. Fairy tales and stuff like that about stormy nights... But it was rather sunny all three days. Didn't rain once. Clear skies, too."

“Why did you block the door to your room?” Nathan finally asked, not knowing how else to respond. He was curious.

Gavin swallowed. “Just… precautionary. You know.”

“You didn’t feel safe at the inn?”

Gavin scoffed. “Oh of course I felt safe, trying to sleep in a random location with a paid bodyguard. What could _possibly_ go wrong?”

Nathan frowned, then shortly realized his error. Gavin hadn't fully related what happened between himself and his guards, but Nathan had the general gist of how things went sour. “You think I’d turn on you?”

“For the right price, anyone would.”

“I won’t. I see a thing through.”

“One of the men you killed – Corrick – I’ve known him since I was six. He was reassigned from my brother’s guard. Didn’t realize how much he hated me and liked gold more. He made that quite clear in the past few days, in case I held any reservations on the subject. So you’ll have to pardon me or just… deal with my lack of trust.”

"Noted."

"...Good, I guess."


	2. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter partly inspired by fan headcanons that Gavin plays the guitar.
> 
> Songs Gavin sings/references:
> 
> ["Sky Full of Song"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1TSiB9OuVM) by Florence and the Machine
> 
> ["Leave Tomorrow Till It Comes"](http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Leave_Tomorrow_Till_It_Comes) and ["Less Can be More"](http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Less_Can_Be_More) from "Return of the King" (1980), written by Maury Laws and Jules Bass, performed by Glenn Yarbrough
> 
> "The Nearness of You" (1940), written by Hoagy Carmichael, lyrics by Ned Washington, originally recorded by Ray Eberle (my personal favorite version is [Norah Jones' 2002 cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsczuCzyUs4))
> 
> "Time Will Tell" from "Wizards" (1977), composed by Andrew Belling, sung by Susan Anton
> 
> ["Thank You For the Music"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dcbw4IEY5w) by ABBA
> 
> (also I love all these songs; Gavin's opinions are his own)

_Poor little rich boy, he’s so sad_

Gavin focused on a song. There was one song in particular he sang to himself whenever the stupid childhood chant reared its ugly head in his memories. The song he focused on was something nice he’d heard a visiting bard sing at school once. He’d gone to every one of the woman’s performances. Stayed up late, even when Elijah went to sleep. He never dared speak to the bard, but he’d written up the lyrics and reread them to himself, remembering how she’d sang. About flying and being lost and someone to pull you back when you needed it.

Better than kids who hated him for his supposed money and hated him for leaving them alone because they hated him. Maybe if he’d tried to be kind to them...? What did someone do for strangers who already hated you and didn’t want to be around you? It wasn’t like he could just hand them money and say “sorry”. Even assuming he had the money for it. Besides, they were spoiled little rich kids, too! Who were they to talk? Even if Gavin had liked practicing too many sad songs on his lute back in the day.

And… Lord Kamski was pretty damn rich. Banker. Land inheritance. Much loved member of the king’s court, for whatever it was he did.

Growing up a bastard wasn’t uncommon. But it you stood out when your father was a rich asshole who didn’t just pay off his mistress or ignore her entirely. Gavin should have been a bodyguard or a minor servant at most, particularly once following in his mother’s footsteps vanished as a possibility, but he was a Kamski (technically), so he studied like a noble’s son, because that’s what Kamski demanded. He wasn’t precisely sure what he was going to do when he was older. Work as Elijah’s secretary, probably. Who else would have him? He had no family connections, and without the Kamski’s, he had nothing. As a bastard he stood to inherit nothing, so he wasn’t a good marriage or adoption prospect, particularly given he wasn’t overly gifted in any particular area. He made a half-decent soldier, but damned if Lord Kamski was sending one of his sons into the military to die. Even if Lady Kamski had requested it a few times.

Gavin learned arrogance from his father. From his peers. Arrogance and money – but mostly money – got you anywhere. He learned he wasn’t brilliant because Elijah _was_ , and Gavin wasn’t like him. Wouldn’t ever be, no matter how hard he tried. Logistics, though, that he could learn. If Elijah put him in charge of the household while Lord Kamski kept working to arrange a suitable marriage for Elijah, Gavin would do well.

He didn’t trust people. Ever. The people at home avoided him. The servants loved his stepmother, and she hated him. How he represented a threat to Elijah if Lord Kamski changed his mind about a few things. So Gavin was avoided. He learned to bargain because of it. He was used to hard bargains.

Gavin’s trust in his father was limited. He trusted that Kamski would make sure Gavin was housed, fed, and clothed, to the point that he wouldn’t be embarrassing. Gavin trusted that when Kamski got angry, Gavin would likely survive the experience. Gavin trusted that if reports from his tutors weren’t abysmal, Kamski wouldn’t think of him, much. Gavin trusted that his father wouldn’t follow up on Lady Kamski’s requests that Gavin be sent off to the military or a monastery because Kamski hadn’t yet done so and never threatened to, and even publicly refused. And Kamski didn’t like to be caught lying. On anything else, Gavin didn’t trust him.

Gavin _wanted_ to trust Elijah. When they were little, Gavin thought being a brother meant you did whatever the older sibling wanted. Gavin learned that his wants didn’t matter, unless Elijah _let_ them matter. Elijah wasn’t notably cruel, but he would only pay attention to Gavin when he was of a mind to. When they went off to school, Elijah was in charge of the purse strings, and was the one servants paid attention to. If Gavin wasn’t there to eat when Elijah did, he didn’t eat. If he wasn’t there when Elijah was being fitted for new clothes, Gavin didn’t get new clothes. The things Gavin wanted, he had to ask Elijah for, and usually Elijah made Gavin do ridiculous things to get them. Like participate in some of Elijah’s experiments. And depending on how the experiment went, Elijah still might not get Gavin what he wanted.

Gavin couldn’t trust the other children. Noble children were worse gossips than any other, and the lower-born children avoided him. Noble children played pranks when they were avoiding lessons, and Gavin was just low enough on the totem pole for them not to get into trouble for it. So Gavin didn’t trust his peers. He didn’t trust his sibling. He never really learned what ‘friends’ meant.

When he was 16, some bandits caught him while he was out with his class on a field trip, thinking he was Elijah. When they learned he wasn’t Elijah, and Lord Kamski refused to send money for his release, they threatened to kill him. Still nothing.

So they took what they wanted... and then the lair was attacked by a rival gang. Gavin wrapped himself up during the hubbub and ran back to the school. Elijah found him in his room, hiding in a corner and weeping. Elijah berated him for straying off during class, then took him to the baths to get cleaned up, and got him some food. It was one of the few times in their lives that Gavin could argue Elijah was kind. He wouldn’t argue that Elijah was overtly cruel; he was just absent-minded, and Gavin, as essentially one of Elijah’s possessions, didn’t rank very high on his list of things to care very much about. So he often forgot.

So Gavin trusted no one. Ever. He’d grown lax with his personal guard. Grown friendly. But in reality, he barely knew them. He should have known that. They’d been his guard ever since the attempted kidnapping. Nearly two decades, and he was a fool for thinking they were close friends, like it wasn’t gold keeping them at his back. Gavin knew he had a temper. Knew he wasn’t much for companionship. But he’d tried to be kind. And of course, it failed.

He liked to think he noticed things. It’s what made him good at bargaining. Noticing little things about people that made it easier to guess how’d they react during a deal. What alliances he’d made were based on bargains. I’ll do this for you, you do this for me. Simple. But his guards clearly didn’t think he’d hold up his end of the deal with the whole world seemingly falling apart. The day before they’d attacked him, they’d barely survived leaving a town that was being attacked by part of the invading military. He didn’t really blame his guards for snapping.

Anyway. Noticing things. Nathan, for instance, was clearly not entirely human. There was a brightness to his eyes that wasn’t normal. He had better hearing than anyone Gavin had met. He was incredibly strong, too. And he had a way of looking at you like he was looking through your soul. And of course there was how he was stupidly skilled at anything he did. A mercenary with magic on his side. And mercenaries only cared about money. And if they couldn’t get money out of you, they took whatever else you had.

Gavin wouldn’t make the mistake of trusting him. But he had to hope he’d stick to the bargain. What choice did Gavin have? He’d never escape the man. And he had nowhere else to go.

Nathan was a quiet travel companion, seemingly happy to just focus on their surroundings and the road ahead. No one had bothered them. Gavin wasn’t sure if that was because everyone had their own problems, or they took one look at Nathan’s unsettling eyes and realized they had better things to do.

The quiet was a bit… stifling, at times, to be honest. Gavin didn’t see himself as overly talkative, but… he did _like_ conversation.

But he also knew he could be annoying. Grating. His voice maybe sounded too nasally at times, like he had a cold. He was happy when it finally dropped, but that didn’t seem to change people’s perception of him.

_“Blessed silence,” a laughing voice had said from behind him as Gavin screamed into his gag. He’d gone hoarse with it, and all he could hear was their laughter, the sound of skin slapping against skin…_

“Do you need to stop?” Nathan asked.

Gavin blinked. He realized he’d pulled his horse to a stop.

Nathan’s horse was slightly further up the road, but he’d stopped, and was looking back at Gavin.

“No, I… No,” Gavin replied, spurring his horse to catch up. “Just distracted, that’s all.”

“…I see. Something I should worry about?”

“No. …No. Just memories. Doesn’t matter.”

“…All right.”

They continued on in silence for a while.

“So, er…” Gavin started, “What’s your story?”

“My story?”

“Yeah. Where are you from? Where you heading? You look like a guy who’s… had adventures. Or something.”

Nathan considered this for a while. “I had an unusual birth and was sent off to a society of warriors to train from a young age. Once I could live on my own, I did. I’ve traveled where life takes me ever since.”

When Nathan didn’t continue, Gavin asked, “Wait, seriously?”

“Yes. It’s quite boring, really.”

Gavin disagreed, but well, to each their own. “Your eyes glow.”

“It’s part of the unusual birth, thing. My mother is a demon, my father is a witch, it’s… It was complicated, I guess, but not worth the tale.”

“I… I don’t even know where to begin with that!”

“Well you can begin nowhere, if you like. That’s all.” Nathan was frowning now.

“Sorry, is this…? We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“It’s just not something I normally talk to people about. Most don’t care.”

“Well… you rescued me, so I like getting to know you better.” Gavin rubbed his nose. “We’re gonna be traveling around for a bit, anyway. Would be good to… get to know each other.”

“Hmm.”

Nathan didn’t say anything else for a bit, and Gavin thought it might be best to give up. Clearly he was annoying the guy.

“I have two brothers. We were raised together, but we don’t travel together.”

“…Oh? I have a brother, too. We don’t travel together either, obviously…”

“Are you twins?”

“No. He’s slightly older. Why?”

“My brothers and I are triplets.”

“Oh. That’s… neat.”

Nathan shrugged. “I’m told my brothers look more similar to each other than I to them, but it’s how we are.”

“Oh.”

“I’m largely telling you this because we’re going to need to make a detour.”

“…What?”

“Connor – one of my brothers – sent me a message that he needs help. He’s not that far away, maybe two days ride.”

“They… sent you a message?” Gavin couldn’t recall seeing a bird or anything. Maybe Nathan had picked up a letter in town somehow…?

“We’re… psychically linked. We can talk mind-to-mind, even long distance.”

“…Oh.” Gavin assumed magic.

“Yes.” Nathan stopped his horse, and Gavin stopped his.

Gavin swallowed and fiddled with his reins. His horse huffed. “…I don’t really have a choice in this, do I?”

“You could stay here, I suppose, until I’m done. I’m not sure how long that would be. I will come looking for you to recoup your debt, though.” Nathan eyed him thoughtfully, and Gavin knew that whatever method the man had for tracking, Gavin wouldn’t be able to escape it.

Not that Gavin necessarily wanted to escape. At least… Nathan’s presence meant that Gavin was safe from most road dangers. His absence... would be worrisome.

Gavin swallowed again. “All right. Let’s go. I’m not sure if I’ll be any help, though.”

“Don’t worry about it. You can keep watch over the horses.”

Gavin grimaced at how Nathan waved away his uselessness. Well… it was nothing new, anyway.

* * *

When they camped on the road, they evenly split chores, usually with Gavin cooking. He found it relaxing to focus on something relatively methodical, and Nathan hadn’t complained yet.

At night Nathan set up a protection circle around their camp. It kept them hidden from passersby and warned Nathan of intruders. And it meant they could both sleep through the night.

“Are you a witch?” Gavin had asked the first time he’d seen Nathan do that.

“After a fashion,” Nathan replied.

“Wow…” Gavin said. He didn’t know what else to add, and Nathan didn’t elaborate. He wasn’t exactly going to ask Nathan to start doing tricks for him.

“Couldn’t you just… move us to where we’re headed? Magically?”

“It requires more power than even _I_ possess, and a lot of materials I don’t have on hand. So if you want to go with me for far longer than the time it’ll take us to simply ride there on horseback, I _might_ be able to gather the materials and people needed to magically move us to our destination.”

“Oh. Well… you could have just said no.”

Nathan rolled his eyes.

Gavin tucked himself into his bedroll and shut his eyes. It was still hard to leave himself so unguarded around Nathan, but Nathan hadn’t tried anything yet, and even if he did, Gavin would be powerless to stop it. So he figured it was best to _try_ to get a good night’s sleep if he could.

Nathan settled in his own bedroll and shut his eyes.

It seemed a moment later that Nathan opened his eyes in what he viewed as a hallway of doors. The doors came in all sorts of shapes and colors and materials. He looked around for where he’d been the other night and stepped forward to open it.

He was in a sunny courtyard somewhere. The place was finely manicured. He turned to see a young man fidgeting as he held what looked like a bouquet of wildflowers in his hands. The young man was finely dressed, though his hair was a mess. There was no scar on his nose, but Nathan knew Gavin’s face well enough after spending a week almost constantly in the man’s company. Even if that face was currently less careworn.

Another young man walked out of a nearby door. He was also well-dressed, and had blonde hair and green eyes. He paused when Gavin stepped in front of him, blocking his path.

“Owen,” Gavin said, clearly nervous, “I wanted to… to give you this.” He held out the bouquet.

Owen blinked and looked at the flowers. “Why?”

“I… They reminded me of you,” Gavin said. “I thought… they were pretty, and…”

Owen raised an eyebrow. “Some weeds reminded you of me? How _flattering_.”

Gavin swallowed, and his expression became panicked. “No, I…! I didn’t mean…!”

“Look, Gavin, it’s cute that you follow me around like a puppy and all that, but I think we both have to admit it has to stop. I’m feeling… claustrophobic.”

Gavin blinked. “…But you said we were together?”

“Yes, that lovely little night under the new moon. And we were. And now we’re moving on. All right?” Owen smiled and walked off.

Gavin blinked and watched Owen walk away. He stared long after Owen disappeared. He eventually swallowed painfully, dropped the flowers on the ground, and walked off, his hands in his pockets.

Nathan frowned and walked back out of the room, but before he could get to another, a door on the floor shot up into the air nearby and swallowed him.

He opened his eyes. It was nighttime. He grimaced when he realized he’d been in this memory before. He recognized the trees, the position of the moon, the sounds behind him. He didn’t turn back to see the source of the whimpering and muffled screams. He focused his energy to dispel the nightmare. It quickly vanished, and he was back in the corridor.

He breathed calmly and then walked to a new door.

He was in a well-lit kitchen, and a woman was baking something. A small boy darted past Nathan’s legs and said, quietly, “Ms. Hansen, Ms. Hansen, I found em!”

The woman baking stopped her work, cleaned off her hands on her apron and turned to face the boy. Ms. Hansen was a tall woman with graying hair and a kindly face. She smiled and said, “Did you, indeed, Gavin?”

Gavin pulled up the basket in his hands, which was full of particularly beautiful blue flowers.

Ms. Hansen inspected them. “Yes, these look perfect. Good job, kiddo!” She ruffled his hair as she took the basket and set it aside. Then she grabbed a small cloth bundle and handed it back to him. “There you go. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome!” Gavin said. He walked back towards the direction he’d come and Nathan watched him flick part of the cloth bundle up, revealing a savory pastry, which Gavin took a ravenous bite out of. He walked past Nathan and the memory faded.

Nathan walked up to another door and reached for the handle. The door and the memory pulled him in. He stumbled into a cave and looked around for his bearings. A man stood up and walked out of the firelit cave into the darkness beyond, where the sounds of fighting could be heard, leaving the place largely empty.

Nathan frowned and turned to see who he recognized as teenage Gavin, lying huddled on the ground, his clothes a mess. He was crying. It was eerily similar to the nightmare Gavin usually recalled.

Here, Gavin pushed himself up carefully and walked over to the cave opening, limping a bit. He looked around, gasping for breath, but also trying to be quiet, and darted out of the cave, heading into the dark woods, away from the man and the sound of fighting.

Nathan easily kept pace, frowning when Gavin stumbled into the dirt and forced himself up. He was crying, still, but running. They were headed towards a walled city. The memory blurred and they were in a dimly lit room. Gavin was crouched under his covers, shaking and crying quietly.

Nathan sat on the bed nearby, feeling an odd sense of wanting to help. He didn’t often dreamwalk with the same person as long as he had with Gavin. He’d seen plenty of painful memories from people. Traumatic ones that touched something, even in Nathan. But… looking at this small, terrified child and remembering the man Nathan had been traveling with for two weeks, now… Who seemed happy when he was cooking, and whose eyes lit up when he spotted some random bit of wildlife. Who barely spoke and viewed other humans with fear, but never said anything about it. Who just followed Nathan around.

Nathan didn’t know what to think of it all.

The nearby door opened and another teenager stepped in. He was tall and pale and Nathan recognized him as Gavin’s half-brother, Elijah.

“There you are,” Elijah said. “Servants said they saw you sneaking in here.” Elijah tugged the blanket off to reveal Gavin with his face covered in tears and hands over his head. “What is this? Do you know how pissed off Father is? You’ve been missing for a _week_.”

“…I’m sorry, Elijah.”

“You need to apologize to Father.”

“I was… I was just at class and they grabbed me, I didn’t mean to—”

“You need to be more careful.”

The memory faded and Nathan opened his eyes. Sunrise was coming up. Nathan started putting camp together. He heard Gavin grumble and sit up, then yawn.

“Fuck, is it time to get up already?” He sighed. “Was actually having almost decent sleep for once.” Gavin got up and started getting his part of the camp ready to go.

Nathan didn’t say anything. Just as he never told anyone who wasn’t his brothers that he could dreamwalk, so he wasn’t telling Gavin. He was getting to know more about the man, which was irksome, but… Soon enough, they’d part ways, and that would be that.

* * *

It wasn’t as difficult to travel with someone else as Nathan thought it would be. He missed the solitude, of course – there was a comfort in, if nothing else (no dreamwalking, for starters) – but Gavin was largely an easygoing, quiet companion. He’d been a little grouchy the first week when he woke up in the morning, but he quickly adjusted, and had the camp ready to go in no time. He didn’t protest at skinning animals or cleaning pots and pans. Didn’t snore, thankfully. Didn’t complain about saddle sores like many nobles Nathan had met. He stayed back when Nathan ordered him to, and despite a few questions throughout the day, he was just… rather quiet.

So quiet that Nathan felt it oddly incumbent upon him, again, to talk.

“Do you know what you’ll do once we find your family?” Nathan asked at one point.

“…Not really,” Gavin replied, frowning at the road ahead. “Whatever they need me to, I guess. Presumably I’ll work for Elijah, my brother, which is… what I’m sort of been told I’d be doing my whole life, so… I don’t know.”

“Mmm.” Noble son. He had his future set, then. At least as some kind of servant. “Have you ever… wanted to do anything more than that?”

Gavin snorted. “Like what? I could join up with the military, I suppose, and die. That’s kind of it for my skillset.”

“So you’re a warrior?” Nathan hadn’t seen much proof of it in their travels. They hadn’t been attacked since joining up, largely due to Nathan avoiding dangerous spots and using his presence to intimidate likely threats. He knew his eyes intimidated others, so he used them. Saved time and effort. But outside of coveting the weapons they’d reclaimed when Nathan had rescued him, Gavin didn’t make much of a show of martial skill. Nathan did all the hunting – out of preference – and hadn’t seen Gavin practicing or even just checking his weapons much.

“I mean… I get by,” Gavin replied. He flicked the side of his nose. “I imagine it’s nothing compared to you, though.”

“I’m a superior fighter to most people,” Nathan replied. “I’m hardly someone to judge your ability by.”

“Not modest at all, huh?” Gavin said, grinning at him.

Nathan shrugged. “I’ve been told I don’t know how to be modest. Connor is the sometimes modest one, when he wants to be. I’m the honest one.”

“Honesty isn’t so terrible.”

“Perhaps it would make others more comfortable around me if I was… less so. Or at least that’s what Cecil, my middle brother, says.”

“Ouch.”

“We are close, but he is a bit of a prick at times.”

Gavin grinned. “Are you close with both of them?”

“Yes. Well… not so much when we travel, but we do try to stay in touch, at least communicating every few nights if we can, even briefly. To let each other know we’re all right.”

“That sounds nice.”

“…What about you? Are you close with your brother?”

“Oh… well… I mean…” Gavin scratched his head. “I mean we haven’t been around each other as much because I’ve been traveling a lot, so… I don’t know. It’s been months since we’ve been in each other’s company for more than a week. But we used to be together all the time. At least before he got moved to special lessons. But yeah, otherwise… we’re close.”

“I see.”

Gavin shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

“You hum sometimes when you cook,” Nathan said.

“…What?” Gavin blushed. “I… What about it?”

“It sounds nice. Are you a musician?”

“I mean… I learned to sing and play the lute for school, but not… seriously. It’s not a useful skill for Elijah’s… whatever Elijah needs me for. It won’t be as a bard. And I wasn’t particularly gifted, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Did you like it, though? Singing? Or music?”

Gavin sighed. “It was comforting, in its own way. But it doesn’t matter.”

“I’d love to hear you perform sometime, if you want. Truly, your humming is pleasant, and I don’t hear music often enough when I’m on my own.”

“I could probably teach you some songs to sing to yourself if you want.”

“Neither of us wants to hear me singing, I promise.”

“Why not? Maybe you have a lovely singing voice. I’ve certainly never heard it, so I can’t judge.” He grinned at Nathan. “Besides, the point of it is that you enjoy it, not that it’s perfect. On the road, it’s hardly a competition or a royal court. It’s just us, out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, trying to get through the day.”

“And here I thought it didn’t matter.”

Gavin scoffed. “I mean… It _doesn’t_. But if you want to hear some music, don’t let someone telling you your voice is bad stop you.” He was glaring at something invisible ahead, like there was a bad taste in his mouth.

“Did someone tell you that?” Nathan asked, quietly. “That your voice is bad?”

Gavin didn’t reply for a long time. “We weren’t talking about me.”

“No, but… it just sounded like—”

“It doesn’t matter, all right? Just leave it alone.”

* * *

That night Nathan found a memory of Gavin sitting in his room and playing a lute, smiling to himself as he sang along to a song. Nathan wondered what happened to _this_ boy. He seemed so content and peaceful here, and his voice was beautiful.

He had to banish Gavin’s bad memories again. He was grateful he had the skill, but was troubled that the memories kept returning. He didn’t know how to broach the topic with Gavin. He wasn’t a healer, physically or mentally – that was Connor and Cecil – and was unsure how to deal with this. He decided he’d talk to them about it.

* * *

They finally approached the camp where Connor had said they’d wait, and Nathan could see his brothers waiting up ahead. Nathan dismounted and walked his horse forward, grinning as he neared them. Connor looked neat as ever, with the usual fancy clothes he picked out, today in shades of green. He made good money healing, particularly as a last resort healer when others failed, and he spent the money… if not well, then at least he spent it. Cecil wore more worn, patchwork clothes, that made him look poorer, which usually meant not worth bothering to would-be thieves and rich people. He liked to be able to disappear into the background at a moment’s notice. It made him a better assassin.

Nathan walked up and embraced them both. “It’s good to see you again,” he said as he pulled away.

“Same,” Cecil replied. “Been too long.”

“That’s Gavin, then?” Connor asked, quietly, looking over as the other man dismounted and walked up.

“Yes,” Nathan replied. “This is Gavin. I’m helping him get home.”

Gavin swore he was looking at copies. He’d met twins before, but never triplets. He could see what Nathan meant by his brothers looking more similar to each other. Nathan was clearly the same as them, but taller and broader.

“He’s kind of cute,” Cecil commented as he looked Gavin over, “If you’re into scruffy.”

Gavin blushed. “Pleasure to… meet you. I guess.”

“Hmm,” Cecil said. He looked at Nathan. “It’s too early to try today. We strike this evening.”

“What are we striking, exactly?”

Connor and Cecil shared a glance, then Connor said, “Come to the camp.”

“You want to rescue some bereweres?” Nathan asked as they sat around the fire while the light in the sky faded.

“Yes,” Cecil replied, staring at the sky.

“Because… you’re dating them?”

“Yes,” Cecil replied.

“And when did this happen?” Nathan asked.

Cecil sighed, but Connor replied, “I ran across the group when I was scouting around Jericho. They were just traveling.”

“And he fell in very deep romantic and sexual love with _Hank_ ,” Cecil said.

“Fuck off, Cecil. You jumped Jeff on day one.”

“Because he’s _attractive_.”

“And not just because you and Allen are taking a break.”

“And maybe that, too.” Cecil stuck his tongue out at Connor.

“You and Allen are taking a break?” Nathan asked, raising an eyebrow. “Why?”

Cecil sniffed. “He’s just _moody_.”

“Cecil’s inconsiderate of Allen’s feelings,” Connor said.

“Look, I’ve offered to do whatever he wants in the bedroom. I’m not bringing him flowers.”

Connor sighed.

“I don’t _like_ flowers, got it? They smell and require maintenance and then they die. Why would you want dead flowers? Why does _anyone_ want dead flowers?”

“So you’re in love or lust with the bears,” Nathan continued. “And this… Perkins? Person? Kidnapped them?”

“He kidnapped Cole while Cole was scouting one day,” Connor said. “Hank and Jeff went after him. Then they were caught. We think Perkins is going to take them North, for… retraining.”

“Brainwashing,” Cecil replied. “To use against their enemies.”

“It’s disgusting,” Connor said. “Apparently the weres have been getting picked off by Perkins’ people for a while, which is why they came out this way.”

Nathan looked both his brothers over. They were both silently angry.

“…All right. So we wait for night, and…?”

“Sneak in, kill the guards, break the bears out, get away, done and done,” Cecil said. “With you here, it’ll be a piece of cake.”

“Do they know we’re coming? Your bears?”

“I’ll let them know before we leave. I can talk with Hank while dreamwalking. Tell him to be ready.”

Nathan nodded.

“What’s dreamwalking?” Gavin asked.

The three brothers looked at him. He’d been leaning against a nearby tree, just listening in.

Nathan had left him to care for the horses and kind of ignored him past that point. Gavin was a bit tense from the sudden focus, but otherwise stayed where he was. “Sorry… was that rude?”

“No,” Connor replied. “It’s… It’s a skill my brothers and I have. We can go into the dream and memory scape of people around us, or people we’re close with. If the other person has magical ability, they can, to a certain extent, see us, or at least communicate with us. Hank has some magical ability, so it’s kind of like a version of our farspeaking with each other.”

“You… go into someone else’s head? How?”

“Like I said, it’s a proximity thing. Usually the person has to be nearby and we just kind of naturally end up there. Once we’ve found the person, if a closer bond is established, we can find them in the future, no matter the distance.”

“…So you don’t have to do a spell or something first?”

“No. We’ve tried to figure out how to stop it from happening in the past, but outside of choosing to go to someone we have a bond with, it just naturally happens.”

Gavin looked at Nathan. “And… all three of you do this? All the time?”

“Only when we’re sleeping,” Connor replied.

Nathan was watching Gavin now.

“And what do you normally… see?” Gavin asked, still watching Nathan.

“Memories,” Nathan replied, before Connor could speak. “Dreams. Sometimes a blend of both.”

"It's a gift from our mother," Cecil continued, glancing between Nathan and Gavin thoughtfully. "Her species' specialty is feeding on dreams. But since we're half-human, it got mixed a little, and throw in our father's magic, and well... There you have us."

"You... feed on dreams?" Gavin asked, frowning.

"No," Connor said. "We just see them. We're drawn to them, like our bodies know we're supposed to feed on them. But it does nothing for us."

"But you still... see stuff," Gavin said, looking back at Nathan.

"Yes," Nathan replied, still meeting Gavin's gaze.

“And… you weren’t planning on telling me, were you?” Gavin asked, now _definitely_ glaring at Nathan.

“…No.”

“Why not?” Gavin demanded.

“I didn’t think it was relevant.”

Gavin shut his eyes, muttered darkly to himself and walked off.

Connor and Cecil looked at Nathan.

“What?” Nathan demanded.

“You didn’t tell him?” Connor asked.

“Do you _like_ him?” Cecil asked. “He’s kind of your type. All… angry looking and scruffy.”

“I’m not dignifying that with a response, Cecil, and of course I didn’t tell him. Why would I? Neither of you tell most of the people you run into.”

“Yes,” Connor replied. “But if I was traveling with them for a bit, I’d tell them. I told Hank as soon as I… realized things were changing between us.”

“Maybe Nathan hates him, then,” Cecil offered. “And that’s why he didn’t say anything.”

“Fuck off, Cecil,” Nathan said.

Cecil shrugged. “Go to sleep, Connor. You need to talk to Hank.”

“You should talk to Gavin,” Connor said as he lay down on the ground. “…Unless he’s just a stranger.”

Nathan quirked his lips. “I’ll think about it.”

* * *

Gavin stood by the horses, gently petting his horse’s side. It shouldn’t bother him, that Nathan could see into his head. Probably Nathan was disgusted by whatever he saw and tried not to think about it. After all, he couldn’t just… _not_ have it happen. He _had_ to see it. It was awful, really, when Gavin thought about it.

Or Nathan could have bothered someone else he knew. And Nathan had as much confirmed that he _wasn’t_ doing that. For whatever reason.

It… hurt… For some reason, Gavin had thought Nathan would have told him something like that.

‘Oh, I can see into your mind when you sleep and see all the extra shitty stuff about you that I didn’t know before.’ Or something.

Gavin was used to lacking privacy. Around his guards, around Elijah, around his father… but Nathan thus far had been respectful. For once in his life Gavin’s affairs – what little of them there was – were his own.

But this… Gavin should have expected nothing to change. And so what? Nathan already knew he was pathetic, what difference did—?

“Gavin?”

Gavin flinched as he heard Nathan’s voice, and turned to see the man walking over, holding a lute, of all things.

Gavin glared. He was still angry, even dumb as he was to expect anything. “What?”

“Connor can’t fall asleep. Would you please play him something?”

“…What?”

“You know soothing songs, right? I’ve heard you hum some, sometimes. They make me fall asleep. Should work for him, too.”

“What the…? I’m out of practice. I doubt it’d work.”

“It doesn’t need much. And the faster it’s done, the closer you are to getting home.”

Gavin grimaced, looked at the lute, then back at Nathan. “…Fucking fine.” He grabbed the instrument and studied it, tuning it a bit as they walked back to the camp. “Where the fuck did this come from?”

“Cecil likes to sing to his love interests. It’s one of the only romantic gestures he has. But he’s not very good at it.”

Gavin snorted.

“I’m… sorry I didn’t tell you about the dreamwalking,” Nathan said. “I don’t tend to tell people about it, and I rarely travel with anyone for longer than a night or two, so it’s never come up. And I can’t stop it, so… it just felt like an invasion of privacy.”

“Yeah, well… Now you know whatever it is you know.”

“I’m truly sorry,” Nathan said. “It’s—”

“I don’t want to know, okay?” Gavin said as he walked past him to get to Connor. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Connor looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks. I think I’m too keyed up.”

Gavin shrugged. “Well whatever if my voice is shit.” He finished tuning the instrument, hummed a bit, and asked, “Any preferences?”

“Something soothing and sleepy.”

“…Aight.” He strummed for a moment, then began, “ _Leave tomorrow till it comes… Sleep will ease your mind…_ ”

Connor shut his eyes and breathed deeply.

Nathan watched Gavin thoughtfully, listening to the gentle melody, Gavin’s quiet, but soothing voice. For once he didn’t glare or joke. He seemed… almost content in the music.

As the song came to an end, Nathan found himself regretful, but at a glance down, saw it had done its work. Connor was asleep.

Gavin stayed where he was, nervous about moving and waking the other man up.

Shortly enough Connor opened his eyes and sat up. “All right, he knows, and he’s going to tell Jeff and Cole. We can get ready.”

Gavin held the lute out to Cecil, who put a hand up. “I won’t need it for this. Hold on to it for me.”

Gavin frowned and pulled the instrument back, looking at it oddly. He looked up at Nathan, frowned, and looked away.

* * *

<He’s got a nice singing voice,> Cecil said as they crouched down to watch the lookouts. It was a decently fortified camp, all things considered. Big tents. Giant ground stakes. Lots of guards. But not enough to see the brothers creeping around.

<Could we not talk about this now?> Nathan snuck up behind a guard and took him out, hiding him behind a bush.

<I’m just _saying_. He sounded nice back there.>

<Bored with your werebear already?>

<Not yet. But… if your new toy is _interested_ , I’m always open to new things.> Somehow Cecil took out three guards while chatting with Nathan, before Connor could even bark at him to stay focused.

That was the problem with Cecil. He was _good_ at what he did, and he knew it.

<I don’t think he’s interested.>

<Oh, had a heart-to-heart did you? You’ve reconciled in the time since he didn’t stop glaring at you?> Cecil watched some of the harder to reach sentries. They were picking off plenty. The problem was the group of armed guards that were just laying about, ready for battle.

<There’s nothing to reconcile,> Nathan replied. He came over to join Cecil and watch the area, looking for weak points.

<This way,> Connor said, appearing from a side entrance. The guards there had vanished. Cecil and Nathan made their way over. They would have been fine in the dark with their night vision, but the camp was well-lit, so they couldn't hide as well. They kept to the shadows as much as possible.

They carefully maneuvered around the camp, listening in to the odd conversations, watching patrols. They could easily keep track of each other without their sight – and always had been able to – but they didn’t take risks. Connor found the makeshift wooden cells. Cecil stole the keys.

The cells contained eight werebears, and all three of the ones Connor and Cecil were looking for. Connor briefly embraced one of them – a large silver-haired man, who kissed just as strongly back – before pulling away and gesturing them out.

Cecil pulled out his smoke bombs and tossed them as they headed out of the cell. The camp broke into alarm.

Nathan kept up the back of the prisoner train while Connor took the front, and Cecil stayed in the chaos, cutting down those he could, mimicking orders from guards to shout back, telling the soldiers to do silly things. No one who wasn’t the triplets could really see anything, and Nathan and Connor got their charges out and headed towards their own camp, with none the wiser.

Cecil rejoined them at some point, covered in soot and a bit of blood, and fell in step with one of the taller bears.

“Hello, Jeff. Miss me?”

Jeff shook his head ruefully and pulled the shorter man in for a tight embrace.

Nathan noticed Connor and Hank were holding hands, while Hank’s spare hand was clasped in the hand of the youngest of the bears – a teenager who stayed close by – whom Nathan assumed was Cole. The other bears kept close to each other. So Nathan found himself… alone.

Nathan wasn’t bothered that he was alone, as it were. That’s just how it was. It had no deep meaning.

* * *

Waiting with the horses was fucking _boring_ , and Gavin glared at the moon and thought it, because wards or not, he didn’t know if talking to himself was a bad idea. Nathan had said some amount of noise inside the wards was just fine. But, well… Gavin didn’t know what “some amount” meant. Whispering? Muttering?

He lightly strummed the lute, feeling a flicker of something warm in him. He’d… loved music, in a way, when he was younger. He’d put it aside when he was ordered, but… he’d thought about it. Hummed when no one was listening. Or he _thought_ no one was listening.

“ _Less can be more, and small can be beautiful… life isn’t all… just big and wonderful…_ ” He hummed through lines he had forgotten a little with time, trying to recall them all. He startled to awareness when he saw something off in the distance, but calmed when he realized it was the triplets and their charges. Everyone looked fine.

The all settled into the camp. The weres looked at Gavin as curiously as he looked at them, but none of them approached each other.

“How was watch?” Nathan asked as he walked over. Gavin couldn’t see any scratches on him. He was a bit muddy, but seemed perfectly fine. There was a bit of red on his cheeks from exertion, possibly, but he looked otherwise the same as how he’d left.

“Quiet,” Gavin replied. “I didn’t see anything.” He coughed. “How was the attack?”

“Good,” Nathan replied. “Fast. No problems. Although Cecil kept distracting me, which was annoying.”

“Yeah? What’d he do?” Gavin smiled, and Nathan felt something odd tug at him at the sight. Then the smile disappeared when Gavin seemed to realize he was still angry.

Gavin looked away.

“Just… talked to me about things.”

“Sounds horrible,” Gavin deadpanned.

Nathan snorted, despite himself. When he glanced at Gavin, he could tell the other man was smiling a little, too.

“Thank you,” Nathan said. “For looking after the horses.”

“Pretty sure your circle thing would have done my job for me,” Gavin replied.

“The spell needs a living humanoid to fasten onto within a certain distance. So it really didn’t.”

Gavin blinked, then said, “So… basically I just needed to be alive and within the right area?”

“Well… yes…”

Gavin sighed. “Yeah. Look, it doesn’t matter. You got your brothers’ boyfriends right? And the kid?”

“Yes, they’re all right, too, which is good. We can head out tomorrow, I think.”

“Did you want to stay with them, for a bit? I mean they’re your brothers… I’d understand.”

Nathan waved a hand. “I’ll see them around.”

“Oh,” Gavin replied.

They were silent for a bit, watching the night sky.

“I’m sorry,” Nathan said. “Again. For not telling you about the dreamwalking.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not. I should have said something. It’s _your_ privacy, and maybe I would have still seen it anyway, but you should have had the choice to leave.”

Gavin shrugged. “Does it matter? I’d be dead or worse on my own. Loss of a little privacy is nothing to that.” Gavin scratched his nose. “Sorry you have to deal with it.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Nathan said. “You can’t change your past.”

“Yeah,” Gavin said with a sigh. “Ain’t that the fucking truth?”

Nathan kicked a pebble. “If you ever wanted to… talk… about things, I am here. I know we’re still largely strangers, but… As I understand from Connor and Cecil, talking can sometimes help.”

Gavin snorted. “No offense, Nathan, but talking about my feelings never really ends well. And if you’re in my head, you’d know that.”

Nathan grimaced. “I know, but… I promise I’m not like that. I’m a good listener. I may not have good advice or absolution or anything… But I do listen. And I won’t judge.”

“…I’ll think about it. Thanks.”

Nathan bowed his head slightly. “And you should play more. Your voice is wonderful, and you play the lute well.”

Gavin swallowed. “I’m a bit rusty, really.”

“Then practice will help, right?”

Gavin looked down at the lute. “It’s not… something my father would approve of.”

“Well he’s not here, is he?”

Gavin blinked, then grinned and shook his head. “Yeah. He isn’t.”

“Then what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him. Or you.”

“…Yeah. Yeah.” Gavin swallowed. “Thanks.”

* * *

When they settled down for the night, Nathan shut his eyes, but reached out to Connor and Cecil through their connection. <I need your advice on something.>

<Yes, you can use all the holes,> Cecil said. <If you ask politely-->

<Cecil, shut the fuck up,> Connor ordered.

<Gavin... he has a lot of bad memories, and they constantly plague him. They leave him sleep deprived, angry, and depressed. I don't know how to deal with it.>

<You're the only one who can banish bad dreams and memories,> Connor said. <Not sure what help we'll be.>

<You're better at healing than I am.>

<But not this... This is different.>

<You could talk to Mom,> Cecil offered.

<No,> Nathan replied. <I'm not doing that. Besides, Gavin's very private. I don't want more people to know about the things that are haunting him.>

<Well, if what you're doing doesn't work,> Connor said, <then you can try it the normal way. Healing psychological injuries, which is what it sounds like... that's not easy. Are you sure you're up for that?>

<I think I am.>

<Then I'll tell you what Dad taught me.>

* * *

It was the first night they were away from Nathan’s brothers and the weres, laying down for the night, when Gavin stared up into the trees above and asked, “What have you seen?”

“What do you mean?”

“My memories. What… what have you seen?”

Nathan was quiet.

“What?” Gavin continued.

“A lot of things. It’s…” And then Nathan didn’t say anything for a very long time.

“Well… You can tell me.”

“Gavin, it’s not…” Nathan sighed. “I don’t think you want to hear this.”

“I just want to… I want to know what you’ve seen.”

“You want to know if I’ve seen something specific.”

“…The night you ran into me.”

Nathan was quiet for a while.

Gavin swallowed. “You saw it.”

“…Yes. You have nightmares about it a lot.”

Gavin snorted. “Yeah.”

“I try to disperse them when I see them. It’s… a limited ability I have.”

“What?”

“Of the three of us, I’m the only one who really affect that space. I can… It’s sort of like a temporary banishment, I guess? Pushes the memory aside, allowing something else in.”

“…You’re the reason I’m sleeping better.”

“I suppose. I like to think so.”

“…Thank you.”

“I'm assuming that since I’m invading your privacy every night I might as well try to do _something_ helpful.”

Gavin was quiet for a bit again. Then, “Do you get actual rest when you like… dreamwalk every night?”

“Although I am _thinking_ through dreamwalking, my mind is still resting, in its own way, and physically it does not harm me.” He didn’t say anything about how the banishment spell was a bit draining. “I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“Oh. I guess… I was worried that not only were you stuck seeing all my crap, but you were exhausted by it, too.”

“That is not the case.”

“Great.”

Nathan looked over at Gavin. The other man had rolled so his back was to Nathan now.

“I wish… life had been kinder to you, Gavin.”

Gavin snorted. “Yeah, well… wishes and horses, you know?”

“Still. I can still wish it, though nothing may come of it.”

Gavin grimaced. “I’ve been really privileged. Born into a rich family. Provided for all my life. I don’t… have anything to complain about, really. Never had to go begging, did I? Even when I sleep on the ground it’s in fine blankets and near a fire.”

“We both know your so-called _fine_ upbringing hasn’t saved you from… many terrible things.”

Gavin swallowed. “You know the other kids used to sing, ‘Poor little rich boy’ at me. They thought it was funny, you know? And that’s all I’m hearing, right now.”

“Children can be cruel. And clearly those children were.”

“I had more than they did.”

Nathan was angry, and he didn't know _why._ “Perhaps you did. Did it change anything that’s happened to you? Did it stop those things from happening? The death of your mother from consumption? The time I found you? The time you were kidnapped from class? Being mistreated by your family, the servants who despised you, your so-called peers who abused you? Growing up learning to treat relationships as favors you had to first pay for, rather than actual friendships?”

“ _Stop_ ,” Gavin hissed. “Please…”

“...I’m sorry.”

Gavin didn’t say anything else that night.

* * *

They didn’t speak for most of the next day. Gavin strummed on the lute a bit, humming quietly to himself every now and then.

“I was cruel to list out your traumas and past experiences like that,” Nathan said late in the day. “I am truly sorry.”

“You were honest,” Gavin replied.

“That’s not a defense.”

Gavin thought it over. “Guess not. Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re allowed to fight for yourself, Gavin,” Nathan said.

Gavin blinked and laughed. “Oh, well, thank you for your permission, Nathan. I’m _so_ happy to finally have it!”

Nathan blanched. “I… I didn’t mean…”

“Just because I can’t murder a whole camp of guards doesn’t mean I… It doesn’t mean I just _let_ them…” Gavin swallowed.

Nathan blinked. “I don’t think you _let_ anything happen to you, Gavin. I don’t… I didn’t mean that.”

“Sure sounds like you did.”

“I think you’re a survivor, and you’ve done what you’ve had to in order to survive. Sometimes that means hard choices. And sometimes we come up against obstacles we can’t just break down. We have to wait them out. Take our opportunities as they arise. Not all of us need to be able to kill our way through mobs of enemies. There are other ways to deal with problems.”

Gavin looked down at his lute. “…Well at least you know why I’m a shitty soldier.”

“And you know why I’m not a healer.”

“Yeah. But we try, though, eh?”

“Yes. More the fools, we.”

Gavin grinned at Nathan, and Nathan smiled back. It was the first real gleeful expression Nathan had seen on the man, and it… it was a nice expression.

Gavin flushed a little and looked away. Eventually he started up the song he’d been working on when Nathan and his brothers returned to camp.

_“…For what do I need when you get right down to it? All my cares come from greed and it’s time that I knew it…”_

Nathan listened and smiled. It was a relaxing, but upbeat song he found enjoyable. As he watched Gavin, not feeling the urge to interrupt with more awkward conversation, he realized he _wanted_ to have more conversations with the man when the song was done. He wanted Gavin to talk to _him_. He also wanted to hear Gavin play more. He wanted…

Nathan swallowed and looked away. He’d been without people for a while. That had to be it. Cecil’s comments be damned, Nathan wasn’t _into_ Gavin that way.

 _He’s not going to want to be with someone who’s watching his worst moments every night_. Nathan nodded to himself. And that was that.

* * *

It was frustrating when Gavin could only remember love songs for the most part. He’d been a horny, angsty teenager when he was learning music, so it was obvious what he’d gravitated towards, although he’d only ever tried twice to serenade someone, which had gone spectacularly badly, both times. The second he’d actually been asked to do it by the object of affections. And then they laughed at him.

Now they were two day’s ride from the next town and Gavin was back in the mode of just wanting to sing after it felt like a lifetime of being silent, and basically everything from his lips was a love song. Oh he had a few travel songs, and some that were relaxing. But the rest…

Not that it should matter, really. But it was awkward when it was just him and Nathan and Gavin was singing, “ _It’s not the pale moon that excites me… That thrills and delights me… Oh no… It’s just the nearness of you…”_ or similarly lovesick things.

Or morose ones. Sure, “Time Will Tell” was something an angsting teenager liked, and Nathan seemed lost in thought while Gavin was practicing it, but he didn’t want to be so dour all the time. He’d already been dour enough talking about Nathan’s dreamwalking.

He was waiting for Nathan to come back from cleaning up by the river when he remembered a song a traveling bard had sung one night he and Elijah had escaped the mansion and went out with some of Elijah’s friends. Gavin had been bored out of his mind until the bard showed up. But he’d paid rapt attention when she started playing.

 _“I’m nothing special… In fact, I’m a bit of a bore…”_ He shut his eyes and fell into the song.

* * *

As Nathan walked back to their camp, ringing out his hair a bit, he heard Gavin’s voice.

_“So I say thank you for the music, the songs I’m singing… Thanks for all the joy they’re bringing…”_

He stopped on the edge of the clearing and watched the pure… joy on Gavin’s face as he sang through the song. It was practically luminescent.

Nathan’s face burned, and he waited for Gavin to finish and open his eyes, strumming idly. Only then did Nathan walk back into the camp.

Gavin smiled at him and Nathan felt something in his chest flip.

Nathan nodded and went to his bedroll and didn’t say anything.

* * *

There were many reasons Gavin was traveling with Nathan as a bodyguard, and it wasn’t just so that Nathan could collect his reward.

They were attacked five times on the road after helping Nathan’s brothers. The first time, Nathan shots the group’s leader, and the others ran off. The second time Nathan shot two of their attackers, and the rest ran off.

The third time they were setting up camp and Nathan realized he wasn’t careful enough when they left the road. He set up the ward and disappeared into the dark. Gavin heard yells, but didn’t see anyone.

Nathan came back with blood on his weapons and spent a while cleaning.

Gavin cooked his food and doesn’t ask questions.

The fourth time, Gavin was the target, and they were in an inn. They were sitting at the bar after a long day’s ride, and someone drunk walked up to Gavin’s other side. The drunk grunted and Gavin looked over to see Nathan actually switched sides, and was holding the stranger’s arm in a vicelike grip. An arm which was very close to Gavin’s flank.

Nathan dragged the man outside and tossed him away, then came back in.

Gavin was shaky, somehow got out a thanks, then headed back to his room, which he locked for the rest of the night, hiding under the covers, terrified.

He told Nathan, “Thank you,” again, in the morning, and nothing else was said on the matter.

They were watering their horses when another group stopped by and started a fight with Nathan over Nathan’s odd eyes.

Gavin got to watch Nathan get into a fistfight against three larger opponents, the latter of which is almost more surprising, given Nathan is taller than most anyone they come across. Gavin thinks about wading in to help, but Nathan moved too quickly for Gavin to even know a good place to go in. He knew enough about fighting to know he’d just be in the way. So he watched the horses and kept an eye out for more fighters.

He tried not to think about how efficiently Nathan took out the strangers. How efficient and fast.

Nathan eventually won and they got back on their way.

* * *

“Are you close with your parents?” Gavin asked one day.

Nathan considered. “Mother is often out of touch, but I make an effort to visit my father every few weeks. Or send him messages. Mother usually visits _me_ as it suits her, although at times I’m able to send her messages, too. I believe we are as close as a family like ours can be.”

“So your parents are… not together?”

“Do you mean in marriage?”

“I guess?”

“My father swore himself to my mother, and in return she bore his children. It’s not really marriage at all, although they do still spend time together, and they are cordial around each other.”

“So… it’s not love?”

“I’m not sure. Perhaps in as much as such a relationship can be love, it is.”

“Huh. Well that’s… interesting. Do you miss them?”

Nathan considered for a while. “I always learn new things from them on our visits, so I look forward to visiting. But I’m not sure I miss _them_ , as people. I would attempt to stay with them more if I did. Father has offered to let me stay as his assistant in his work, and Mother always offers to let me take up a position with her if I wish. I’ve always refused.”

“Wow. That’s amazing.”

“You’re very curious about my family all of a sudden.”

Gavin shrugged. “I’ve met your brothers, but I’ve only _heard_ about your parents, and how you describe them makes them sound interesting.”

“Do you miss your mother?” Nathan asked.

Gavin grimaced. “When I think about her, yeah, I guess. A lot of my favorite childhood memories are with her. Teaching me how to barter at market. How to bone a fish. Even a few sea shanties. She was away a lot so we weren’t that close. But she always seemed like… It’s silly really, but she was always going on these trips, right? She was like… adventure personified. And there was something really amazing to a younger me about that.”

“You want to be an adventurer?”

“I don’t think so. …I don’t know. But it was a world of unknowns, that didn’t include my father and my stepmother and Eli, and that… interested me, too.”

“Because you don’t like them.”

Gavin swallowed. “I don’t necessarily enjoy spending time with my father or my stepmother… I mean they’re both dicks in different ways. Eli’s forgetful, but… I mean we’re sort of friends, I guess.”

“But you’d have taken up your mother’s offer to leave with her if she offered?”

“…Maybe. But it doesn’t matter, anyway. She’s dead and her partner took all her assets and didn’t stay in contact. So that’s over with.”

“…I’m sorry you didn’t get more time with her.”

“Nothing to do with you. We all have a finite amount of time here. You gotta do with it what you can. Or… that’s what she always said, anyway.” He shook his head. “I assume that’s why she fucked an asshole like my father anyway. Or she lost a bet.”

Nathan snorted.

* * *

They were a day’s ride from their destination when it hit them both – without them saying anything – that they were a day away. They both felt a bit grim and nervous, but neither of them said anything about it. Gavin was playing a lute and singing again. Nathan was regularly talking with someone. A lot had changed, but really... it was only a month, right?

They stopped at an inn for the night. Gavin brought his lute with him, and unfortunately someone spotted him with it.

“Do you play?” the young waiter asked, grinning.

“I, uh…” Gavin said, looking at Nathan.

Nathan watched him. “You don’t have to,” Nathan said. Then he castigated himself. It wasn’t like Gavin needed his _permission_.

But Gavin had such a helpless look on his face. And Nathan knew that he was still nervous about performing.

“It’s your choice,” Nathan continued.”

“I’m out of practice, really,” Gavin said, turning back to the waiter. “And I don’t know many dances or anything. So it wouldn’t be that fun.”

“Oh…” the waiter looked a bit sad now. “Well, there’s another bard here, if you want to listen to them. But you’re always welcome, particularly if you’re here for a while. We always appreciate music.”

Gavin smiled and followed Nathan up to their room. The place wasn’t that large, so they only had the one room. Gavin was a bit nervous about it, but it was only one night. He’d stay in the corner of the room if he had to.

As Nathan put his things down, Gavin commented, “Thank you.”

“You can sing, you know, or play. If you want. I didn’t mean to make it out like you need my permission or…”

“Oh, no,” Gavin snorted. “I don’t think I need your permission. I just… I don’t really perform. Like you said. That I managed not to shake while you and Cecil were watching me with Connor is surprising, really.”

“You play for me all the time.”

“Well you… I know you.” Gavin swallowed. “I find being around you relaxing. Somehow.” Gavin laughed awkwardly. “I kind of have a habit of relaxing around people I probably shouldn’t, actually.”

Nathan blinked.

“It’s not you, it’s…” Gavin swallowed again. “I trust really easily, you know? I mean you probably know. I ran out of the darkness and grabbed onto the first stranger I came across. I mean you’re awesome, really, I…” Gavin looked away. “Sorry, this is dumb. I need a drink.”

Gavin set his stuff down, including the lute, and headed towards the door.

Nathan caught his arm as he headed out.

Gavin looked up at him in surprise.

Nathan opened his mouth, but was distracted by the feel of Gavin’s arm under his fingers. Then his eyes widened and he snatched his hand away.

“I’m sorry, I—! Fuck that was so—!” Nathan stepped away. “You should… You should go get that drink.”

Gavin was out the door and Nathan was left staring.

Nathan sat on the bed, debating whether or not to skip dinner.

* * *

Gavin sat at a table in a corner and considered his food, still thinking of Nathan’s hand on his arm. It had been gentle, really. It was the touch in and of itself that had startled him.

Nathan was attractive. Gavin didn’t ignore that. And he kind of looked really hot when he was fighting and Gavin tried not to think about it. And Nathan just… had a look about him like he just knew _everything_ about you.

At least in Gavin’s case, he probably did. And the problem was whenever he looked at Gavin like that, like he _knew_ and didn’t mind, and sometimes seemed to want _more_ … It was oddly intoxicating. Like being caught in a tide that could teach you how to be a crashing wave.

Which was stupid. There was a reason Gavin had been shit at composing.

Gavin shoveled some potatoes into his mouth. He wasn’t even really listening to the bard, who had started playing recently.

Gavin saw Nathan come down the stairs and saw the way the man hesitated. They’d been around each other enough that Gavin could read him pretty decently. Gavin was pretty sad that he realized there was still so much he didn’t know about Nathan.

And he wanted to know _more_.

Gavin waved him over. He chided himself inwardly. Nathan had _grabbed_ him, when he was _leaving_. Gavin should back off, right?

Except Gavin had wanted things to keep _going_ after Nathan grabbed him. He wanted Nathan to pull him to the bed.

He fell in love easy, and he was falling hard, here. Well... part of it was lust. He hadn’t… been with anyone intentionally in far too long. And Nathan was hot and smart and just… way out of Gavin’s league. And Gavin wanted Nathan to grab him and fuck him into the bed. A lot.

Nathan walked over and sat across from him. A server brought over some food for him.

“It’s pretty good,” Gavin said.

Nathan nodded and dug in.

It was one of the tenser meals they’d had since they first started traveling together, what felt like an age ago, but was really barely a month.

“I shouldn’t have grabbed you,” Nathan said. “I am deeply sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Gavin said. “I mean… I mean it’s _not_ fine. But you know it was bad, and you apologized, so it’s fine.”

“You don’t owe me forgiveness.”

“No, but I’m choosing to forgive you.” Gavin looked down at his plate. “That’s something I am _allowed_ to do, thank you very fucking much. Just like I’m allowed to choose to keep playing the lute and singing. Now eat your goddamned food.”

* * *

Neither of them particularly felt like staying up late drinking or listening to the local bard – who was rather good, really, for the rare moments Gavin paid her attention – so they retired early.

“You take the bed,” Nathan said, starting to set his bedroll on the floor.

“Nathan, you’re the bodyguard, you take the bed. You need to be well-rested in case… I don’t know… an army descends on us or something.”

“I will take the floor,” Nathan said, instead, stealing one of the bed pillows for his own.

Gavin sighed. “Would you just take the damn bed?”

“No,” Nathan replied, looking at Gavin with a hard gaze.

Gavin walked around the bed to where Nathan was setting himself up and said, “Take the goddamn bed!”

Nathan frowned at him and stood up. The room wasn’t _that_ large, so they were basically right next against each other.

But Gavin didn’t back down.

Nathan still wore an almost glare. “Don’t give me orders.” Then he blinked and hesitated, and his voice went quieter. “I mean…”

Gavin opened his mouth, but stopped before speaking when he noticed the way Nathan’s eyes dropped to his lips.

“…I want you to fuck me,” Gavin said.

Nathan blinked. “…What?”

“If you want to,” Gavin said. “I mean we’re running out of time together and… Fuck I just want you to fuck me, Nathan.”

“Gavin… Are you sure…?”

“ _Yes._ Unless you don’t want to.”

Nathan growled and leaned forward, grabbing Gavin’s arms tightly and practically devouring his lips in a kiss.

Gavin wrapped his fingers in Nathan’s shirt.

Nathan pushed them down onto the bed and started kissing his way down Gavin’s throat, feeling Gavin panting against him, his half hard cock pressing against Nathan’s chest.

“Fuck, Nathan…!” Gavin murmured.

Nathan worked his way down to Gavin’s crotch and mouthed him through his pants.

Gavin twitched and grunted.

Nathan grinned and started pulling Gavin’s pants apart, then paused. “Gavin, are you…? Are you sure?”

“Yes, fucking shit!”

“Tell me if something… If I do something you don’t want. Or… you want to try something?”

“Yes I’ll tell you! And what I want is for you to do whatever the fuck it is you want with me that ends with you fucking the shit out of me!”

Nathan snorted. “I can oblige that.” He yanked Gavin’s pants down and quickly put his mouth on Gavin’s cock.

“Fucking shit!” Gavin cried out, putting his arm over his mouth.

Nathan pulled off after a while.

“The fuck are you stopping for now?” Gavin eventually demanded. His face felt too warm. Nathan’s mouth was hot, his lips and tongue murderous.

“Oil.” Nathan reached into a shirt pocket and pulled a bottle out.

“You… were prepared?”

“I always am when we stop at inns,” Nathan said with a smile. He popped the cork and covered his fingers before nudging Gavin’s legs wider. Then he reached down between Gavin’s cheeks and gently massaged Gavin’s hole.

“Fuck,” Gavin cried again, pressing his arm to his face.

Nathan returned his mouth to Gavin’s cock as his fingers continued the massage. He was slow with it, milking every shudder he could out of Gavin. When he finally pushed a finger in, Gavin sobbed. At that point Nathan did something with his tongue that made Gavin jerk ever so slightly.

Nathan was two fingers in on his slow fucking crusade and still working away when Gavin murmured, “Nathan I’m gonna fucking… You gotta… I’m…!”

Nathan glanced up at him, but didn’t move off. He picked up the pace with his fingers.

Gavin gave a shattered cry as he came, and Nathan swallowed it all down, then pulled off of Gavin’s limp cock, but kept his fingers going, watching Gavin pant and twitch.

Gavin was a spent mess and didn’t really have enough cognition to notice when Nathan pulled his pants off and replaced his fingers with his cock. Gavin grunted as Nathan pushed his way in easily, and moaned a little as Nathan found a quick rhythm. It was a little painful without the distraction of arousal, but Gavin was still too blissed out to mind.

When Nathan came, he made a broken gasp, and leaned down over Gavin, breathing hard. His skin was flushed and his hair was curling from the sweat.

Gavin patted his arm awkwardly. “That good?”

“You have… no idea how long I wanted to do that.”

Gavin laughed. “What, fuck me?”

“Yes.”

“…You’re serious?”

“Yes.”

“…Why?” Sure, on a bet, maybe. Gavin had dealt with those people. But just... himself?

“If I listed all the reasons I wanted to fuck you, from the way you walk in your overly tight pants to the little smile you make when you’re happy about something to the way you sing even the most ridiculous songs and somehow never make it sound truly ridiculous when you sing it, we’d be here all night.” He breathed heavily. “Thank you. For this.”

Gavin laughed, hoping his blush was hidden beneath the normal sex flush. “I mean, I feel like I should be thanking you.”

“You’re welcome. How are you feeling?”

“Real great.”

“I’m glad.”

“You are so fucking hot,” Gavin said.

Nathan laughed.

They cleaned off a bit and settled back on the bed, curled up together. Gavin traced shapes on Nathan’s stomach while Nathan watched.

“Are you looking forward to seeing your family again?” Nathan asked.

Gavin paused, swallowed, and said, “I… I don’t know. I’d be dumb not to, right? They’re family.”

“They’ve been cruel to you.”

Gavin grimaced. “Could we not talk about this?”

“…Of course.”

Gavin sighed and shut his eyes, snuggling deeper into the pillows and against Nathan, his hand resting against Nathan’s sternum.

Nathan watched Gavin in the dark, rested one hand on the man’s flank, and shut his eyes.

* * *

Gavin woke to see sunlight shining on Nathan’s still asleep face, and grinned.

“Finally awake?” Nathan murmured, cracking an eye open.

“Fucker, how long you been awake?”

“Not that long.”

Gavin sat up, stretched, and yawned, then glanced down at Nathan, who was watching him with a catlike expression. Gavin grinned and pushed him over onto his back.

Nathan grumbled and raised his eyebrows as Gavin straddled him.

Gavin had a hungry grin on his face as he looked down at Nathan.

“We’re not going to make good time to your family’s place at this rate,” Nathan said, already feeling his morning wood respond to Gavin’s weight on his chest. He lightly grasped Gavin’s thighs.

“Oh,” Gavin replied, his expression deflating a bit. “Well, we can—”

“And I do not fucking care if we stay in bed all day,” Nathan replied, smiling now. “If that’s what you want to do.”

“Man after my heart,” Gavin said, grinning again.

* * *

They ended up spending three more days at the inn, alternating fucking and eating. At one point they went walking around town to get some fresh air, as Nathan said. Even he got tired of the sex on sex smell. They ended up sitting in a meadow while Gavin played a little. Which shortly ended with Nathan pulling Gavin back to their room for more fucking, and Gavin showed him Nathan just what else he could do with his mouth, which Nathan greatly appreciated.

When they finally headed out on the road, the weight they’d carried coming to the town returned in full force. Gavin was thinking over Nathan’s question about missing his family. And that question from ages ago about what he’d do once he was with them. He’d probably never see Nathan again. Even if Nathan connected to him over dreamwalking, Gavin would never know, because he didn’t have any magic.

Nathan for his part was quiet, focusing on making sure no one was following them. It was hard to focus too much on Gavin, because then he remembered Gavin was leaving, just when they were starting… Nathan didn’t know what. He hadn’t had many close relationships outside his brothers or parents. He’d been with plenty of bed partners, but not for long, and the last one he’d spent more than two nights with had been years ago. He just never felt it was worth the bother, or had something else to do.

But he couldn’t avoid thinking of Gavin because, well… they were mostly the only two people on the road, and they were the only two people in their party.

It frustrated him. He reminded himself he was in this for the money. Money for all the inns, good food, drink, new equipment, equipment cleanings, and fucking he could want.

They made slow progress, and ended up stopping for camp near the mansion. The spot Nathan picked was hidden away in trees and bushes. Gavin was grateful for the cover and Nathan’s wards, so that Gavin felt less nervous being on his knees as Nathan fucked the life out of him.

They both discovered Nathan liked saying Gavin’s name during sex, which kept Gavin grounded after a fashion, when he had… less than fond memories of sex in the woods. But hearing Nathan talking to him, feeling the grip Nathan had on his hips, it kept him in the here and now.

When they collapsed afterword, breathing hard and sweaty, Nathan ran his fingers through Gavin’s hair and said, “I wish we’d done this earlier.”

Gavin smiled. “Yeah. Bit of a waste, eh? Wait too long and suddenly you’re out of time.”

Nathan smiled sadly. “At least what we had was good.”

“Fuck yes.” Gavin turned over so that he was facing Nathan and ran a hand over Nathan’s cheek. “The best.”

 _I want you to stay with me,_ Nathan wanted to say. But… he didn’t want to put that pressure on Gavin. The man had already been dragged around by everyone else in his life. Nathan refused to be another person who went for it.

“There’s a tracking spell I know,” Nathan said, instead. “I can put it on you. That way, if you ever need help, you can just activate it and I’ll come to help. If you want.”

Gavin’s eyes widened. “You’d do that? For me?”

“For adequate compensation of course.” Nathan’s catlike gaze belied his words.

Gavin snorted and pressed his hips to Nathan’s, feeling his cock start harden again. “And what did you have in mind?”

“Mmm…” Nathan’s grin widened. “I kind of like the way your legs get all twitchy when I eat you out.”

Gavin flushed. “Doesn’t sound like much of a payment to you. You’re doing all the work.”

“I think I can make you cry.”

“Oh, well, if you _really_ want to make me cry…”

“You’re just so beautiful when you fall apart in pleasure for me.”

Gavin flushed and avoided Nathan’s gaze. “I’m hardly anyone’s version of beautiful, Nathan.”

“I disagree.” Nathan put a hand out to pull Gavin’s gaze up again. “You’re definitely mine.”

Gavin smiled and said, “Well, by all means, then.”

* * *

When they first spotted the mansion, Nathan noticed Gavin’s heartbeat start to race. He looked at the other man, but Gavin just grimaced and kept on riding for it.

Nathan didn’t know what to say. His horse slowed a little behind Gavin’s, to the point that Gavin noticed and stopped his horse to look back.

“Something wrong?” Gavin asked.

“…No. It’s a nice house.” Truthfully Nathan thought it was an overdone monstrosity of a house with too much pointless detail, and probably a nightmare to clean and keep in order. But it was Gavin’s family’s home, so… Nathan tried to be respectful.

Gavin looked ahead again and shrugged. “I guess.”

They didn’t say anything else as they drew closer. The guards stopped them, but stepped back when they recognized Gavin.

Nathan stayed nearby, watching the guards thoughtfully. The place had a decent number of them, and they were well-armed and armored.

Their horses were stabled and the pair were led to a sitting room with an unlit fireplace. Nathan looked back as the door shut behind him, and tried not to think about how this whole thing felt like some sort of trap. But Gavin seemed… resigned, if anything. _That_ didn’t feel like a trap. Nathan looked around at the paintings – all random people, possibly in Gavin’s family – and the fancy windows. It wasn’t an ugly room, Nathan supposed. Too cluttered by far with rather ugly art, but cozy in its own way.

Gavin sat down in a plush chair.

Nathan walked over to stand by the side.

“You can sit,” Gavin said.

“I’m happy to stand, thank you.”

“Ah.” Gavin scratched his nose. “Sorry about this. Father likes to remind people of their place. Unfortunately you’ve been lumped in with me.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Nathan said, smiling at him. “But I have it on good authority that’s very much _not_ a bad thing.”

Gavin flushed.

The door opened and four people entered the room: two men and two women.

Gavin stood up.

The first couple Nathan recognized from Gavin’s memories as his father and stepmother. Lord Kamski was a tall, severe-looking man, with gray hair bordering on balding. Nathan could see where Gavin’s hazel eyes came from. Lord Kamski wore bright, fine clothing. Lady Kamski was almost as tall as her husband: a thin woman with dark brown hair tied back with some odd jewel crown-thing that Nathan couldn’t quite understand. Her dress was just as fine as her husband’s, and colored deep blue.

Behind them was Elijah and an unfamiliar blonde woman wearing a simple but elegant white dress. Elijah wore clothes nearly matching his father’s, but in bright blue.

“Gavin,” Lord Kamski said, ignoring Nathan. “You’re late.”

“I had trouble on the road,” Gavin replied. “My guards attacked me and held me hostage for some days. Nathan here rescued me.” Gavin gestured to Nathan. “He’s protected me on the road here, but it was still a long way.”

“What happened to your guards?” Kamski demanded.

“They’re dead,” Nathan said before Gavin could answer. “They attacked him. Then attacked me when I didn’t let them _continue_ attacking him.”

Kamski frowned at Nathan. “And just who in the hell are you?”

“My bodyguard to get me here,” Gavin said, putting an arm out in front of Nathan and throwing him a warning look. “I promised I’d repay him for saving me and getting me here.”

Kamski looked at him. “And you were planning to do that how?”

Gavin swallowed. “My remaining allowance.”

Kamski scoffed. “You can’t be serious. Besides, that’s your brother’s money. Not yours.”

“You promised it to me, and it’s what’s owed for finishing up your business affairs while you ran away and hid!” Gavin swallowed. He hoped he wasn’t shaking. He thought he was, but he _hoped_ he wasn’t. “This man rescued me when he didn’t have to. Saw me here, _safely_. We owe him something.”

“All right, Gavin,” Elijah said, quietly. “He can have the money.”

Nathan looked over at Elijah. The man met his eyes briefly before looking back at Gavin.

“Thank you, Elijah,” Gavin replied, quietly.

“Well that’s settled,” Kamski commented. “I expect a full report on your finished dealings.”

“Yes, Father.”

“Do you even care that he was attacked?” Nathan asked, looking at Kamski with a sharp gaze.

Kamski met Nathan’s gaze and frowned. “I fail to see how my feelings are any of your concern.”

“Your son was attacked by his bodyguards, and you don’t care at all.”

“ _Nathan_ ,” Gavin hissed.

“Elijah will see to your payment, bodyguard, and then I expect you to leave the premises,” Kamski said.

“I’ll be more than happy to,” Nathan replied. “I’ve stayed in happier garbage heaps.”

Kamski bristled. “I don’t know who you are, but you’ll have a care to how you refer to my home!”

“Nathan, stop,” Gavin said, tugging his arm now. “Please.”

Nathan looked at him and saw the desperate look in his eyes. Nathan swallowed and said, “My apologies, Gavin.”

“My brother is in need of a bodyguard at present,” Elijah said. His gaze was thoughtful, and he ignored the glare his parents shot his way. “Perhaps, Nathan, you would like to continue the work?”

Nathan looked at the man again. He couldn’t fully read the expression on Elijah’s face.

“He has other business to take care of,” Gavin said. He looked at Nathan again.

Nathan’s gaze softened as he looked at Gavin. “I… could consider it.”

Gavin’s eyes widened. “You’re not serious.”

“You know I’m terrible at making things up.”

Gavin snorted. “You’d hate it here.”

“It’d be worth it. For you.”

Gavin flushed at that.

“I will not have this man residing under my roof,” Kamski said. “Take your money and leave!”

Nathan shot a glare at the man, then looked at Gavin. “Come with me.”

“What?”

Nathan berated himself for doing what he knew he shouldn’t, but he felt like a door was closing on his face, and Gavin would be trapped again, and he couldn’t bear it.

And Nathan wasn’t known for his selflessness, anyway.

Nathan took Gavin’s hand. “Come _with_ me. You could have your own life. Play the lute, sing, do whatever you want. The road’s a hard place, but… we could figure it out. Together. And you wouldn’t have to deal with _them_ ,” Nathan nodded his head towards the Kamski’s, “anymore. And… and we could be together.” Nathan smiled at him, looking at Gavin’s awed expression.

“I…”

“This is ridiculous,” Kamski commented. “Gavin, say your goodbyes. Elijah, get this man’s money and then make sure the guards escort him out.”

“No!”

Everyone looked at Gavin, who was red-faced from his outburst.

“Stop treating Nathan like dirt, Father. He’s more skilled at anything than you could ever dream of being, you glorified real estate clerk.”

Kamski’s eyebrows shot up. “How dare you! You ungrateful brat!”

“And I’m leaving with him,” Gavin continued. “I’ll write up a report for you while Elijah’s getting Nathan his money. Then I’m gone.” He looked at Elijah. “Lead the way.”

Elijah nodded, took the second woman’s hand, and walked out.

Gavin grabbed Nathan’s hand and pulled him out the room, leaving Lord Kamski to shake in the empty room while Lady Kamski rolled her eyes.

* * *

“This is Chloe, by the way,” Elijah said while Gavin wrote up his account. Nathan sat in a nearby chair, his hand over his bag of money, watching Elijah and Chloe and any move they might make that he would disagree with.

Gavin looked up. Elijah was gesturing to the blonde woman. She smiled at him.

“Oh, hi,” Gavin said. “Nice to… meet you, Chloe.”

“And you, Gavin. Elijah’s told me many stories.”

“I’m sure he has,” Gavin replied, looking back down at his notes. “How did you two meet?”

“I was doing some research a while back, and got into contact with Chloe,” Elijah commented. “She’s a spiritualist expert. We started talking, then I invited her for a visit, and she’s honored me by staying.”

Chloe smiled at him.

Gavin looked up at them and could see the fondness between them. The way they held hands.

“I’m happy for you both.”

Elijah nodded. “You don’t have to leave. Father will cool down.”

“I’ll never have my own life in this house. Under his rule.”

“Gavin… being on the road, it’s… It’ll be very hard. Is that what you really want?”

“I don’t know,” Gavin replied. “I don’t particularly know all that I want. But… I know where I’ve been happier than I feel I’ve ever been. And that’s with Nathan.”

Nathan blushed a bit at that.

Elijah sighed and turned to Nathan. “So you’re taking my brother away from the privileged life he was born to so that he can eke out a meager existence on the road. Do you feel any responsibility for this?”

“It’s Gavin’s decision,” Nathan replied, meeting Elijah’s hard gaze without faltering. “I’ll do what he wants to do.”

Elijah snorted and turned back to Gavin. “Gavin, see reason, please…”

“I’m seeing reason right now,” Gavin replied. “I want to go with Nathan, so long as he’ll have me. And telling me I’m being _unreasonable_ isn’t encouraging me otherwise, Eli.” Gavin looked back down at his writing.

Nathan saw Elijah deflate just a little.

“…I’ll miss you.”

Gavin blinked and looked up.

Elijah’s expression was sad as he stared back.

“…I’ll write,” Gavin said. “And… we’ll visit.” Gavin looked at Nathan.

Nathan shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

Gavin smiled.

“…Very well,” Elijah said, with a sigh. “I guess I’ll learn to be grateful.”

Gavin had no response to that and continued his work.

* * *

“This is so strange,” Gavin said, as he and Nathan lay together under their bedroll in camp a short distance away from the Kamski estate. Nathan had refused to stay the night, and Gavin had come with him. “It almost doesn’t feel real.”

“It’s very real,” Nathan replied, lightly brushing Gavin’s back. “I can pinch you, if you want.”

Gavin laughed. “Please don’t.”

Nathan shrugged.

“You… want me with you?” Gavin asked. “And you’re not going to just… get bored with me?”

“I don’t get _bored_ with people, unlike many of the cretins you’ve dealt with. And I like you too much to think I’d ever get bored. It’s not just the sex, although the sex is great, don’t get wrong. It’s… everything else that makes you… You. I like _you._ ”

Gavin swallowed. “I like you, too.”

Nathan kissed his head.

They were quiet for a bit.

“You were really hot when you stood up to your father,” Nathan finally commented.

“…Fuck, I can’t believe I did that. I thought I was going to melt in place.”

“It was good. He deserved it. I’m proud of you.”

Gavin laughed. “Well… I don’t think I’d have been able to do it without you there.”

“It’s hard to stand up to the people we care about. When I decided to start traveling on my own, Connor, Cecil, and I fought for weeks. It was hard, because I knew they worried about me, and wanted me to be safe and not alone. But it was worth it. I was a lot happier. And while I can’t understand why you care about him, I can understand that you _do_ care, which makes it hard. Be proud you did it at all. It’s a lot.”

Gavin grimaced. “Baby steps, I guess.”

“Hardly.”

Gavin smiled. “You’re great for my confidence in a weird way, you know.”

“It’s what I do,” Nathan replied. “Well… not really, I suppose. Cecil says I’m more cutting that _he_ is at the best of times.”

“You’re honest, and it’s something I really like about you.”

“If I was more honest, I’d have asked you to come with me back at the inn when I first wanted to, rather than waiting until today, when you were in front of your family.”

“All that matters is that you said it at all.” Gavin snuggled his face into Nathan’s neck. “That’s all I care about. And you’re all right not traveling alone anymore? Despite fighting with your family? Despite what you’ve been doing for… well, years?”

“It’s what I want,” Nathan replied. “Someone very wise recently taught me the importance of expressing my wants clearly, rather than accepting what others think I want.”

Gavin smiled. “Sounds like a smart guy.”

“He is.”

Gavin huffed a laugh. “Honestly, though, I thought I was gonna start crying right then and there when you asked me to come along with you. I was just… so happy. You’ve been there for me during some pretty dark shit, and… I don’t know anyone else I’d rather be with.”

Nathan smiled and held Gavin tightly. “Whatever you need, Gavin. I’m here.”


End file.
